Kissing and Other Things
by starshards
Summary: What I guess I secretly wanted I’m afraid to admit was something similar to what occurred in the romance novels that I often teased Mao for reading, only... that's not what I really got. [KaRe]


Living in the home country of your favourite character is cool. 8D!

Anyway, sorry for being gone so long. I've been busy, but anyway... Here I am.

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Your first kiss is always portrayed to be the most magical. A real kiss, I mean, not one of those _'mwah'_- type pecks. A kiss-kiss. A deep kiss, French kiss, snog, tonsil-tennis… you get the picture. Point is it's one of those things that you're supposed to look back on when you're older and still curl your toes up at the mere remembrance of that tingly feeling.

Yeah, mine? Nothing romantic about that one. In hindsight, I don't really think that I was ever expecting it to be, or even hoping it to be. In my case, it was more wanting to get it out of the way. Being seventeen, and virgin-lipped struck me as a little silly, especially when Takao who was over a year younger than myself had experienced the magic of his first kiss several months earlier (we had our suspicious as to whom with).

That is not to say that I was ashamed of it, but I won't lie and say that my very quiet and controlled, but still very real macho pride wasn't a little stung by the fact that I had less experience than my younger friend. It wasn't morals, or even fear that was holding me back, it was simply just that I hadn't found anyone who I was comfortable enough with to do such a thing with. After all, who isn't insecure about completely failing when it comes to intimacy?

What I guess I secretly wanted- I'm afraid to admit- was something similar to what occurred in the romance novels that I often teased Mao for reading (and even more often got hit with). I was kind of envisioning rain, or candlelight, or being under a canopy of stars, but what I got, well… I should probably start at the beginning of it all.

It was in Beijing, while we were eating in one of the finest Beijing duck (the gourmet pride of the capital) establishments in the city that I noticed that Kai had a really nice mouth. Now, don't get me wrong, my previous wonderings upon the future, relationships and generally what I found attractive had never erred on the side of homosexual before, so I was just as surprised as the next person. So surprised in fact that the wrap I'd been holding practically exploded onto the tablecloth which, when you've been using chopsticks your entire life, looks a bit odd.

You know those annoying songs that you get in your head and you can't get it out again? I mean you find yourself waking up to it, singing it when you're doing mindless tasks and tapping your pen to the rhythm? Well picture the thought '_Kai has a nice mouth, I would like to press my lips to it_' in that sort of situation and you have my mental condition for the following few days after that tablecloth- staining incident. Generally, very upsetting I'm sure you'd agree. Especially when, as I've mentioned, my thoughts had never really turned queer before.

Just for the record though, I'd like to say that I really didn't know _what_ I was. To say that I didn't look at men and see something sexually attractive implies that I looked at women and _did_, but, alas this also is not so. I was simply just a mass of confused, apathetic teenager with no libido. Anyway, back to my painfully unromantic story…

Kai is, much to the disdain of his fans, a really weird guy, so clearly my next step wasn't to just brazenly march up to him and kiss him just to get the wondering out of my mind. I mean weird in the nicest possible way, of course. At the time he was my closest friend and there was a reason for that. It's just that he was and still is prone to bouts of behaviour that could only be described as bizarre, as well as generally being moody and arrogant. So really, as someone with at least a minimal amount of intelligence, I knew that going up to my erratic, angry friend, and kissing him with the simple explanation of '_I like your mouth_' was not a very clever idea.

That is why I would like to say that I was drunk for the next part. I wasn't of course- I'd only had two beers which, when one comes from a culture of people who see downing a drink in one go as being a sign of good luck, was hardly enough to warm my cheeks up a little, let alone fuel the insane behaviour that followed. Kai of course maintains that he wasn't drunk either, but I know full well that that is a lie, since Kai is a wordy drunk, so the minute he starts rambling, you know he's not quite as sober as he so adamantly tends to insist he is. You wouldn't believe it of course, but he is. He can go on and on about practically nothing when he's got a few inside him, as well being painfully honest which is, of course, fantastic and hilarious to take advantage of.

Anyway, so, we were all back in Japan celebrating our win in the Chinese tournament and we had no more competitions until the American one, so as usual we were staying at Takao's. We'd been out for a celebratory meal earlier in the evening and, since it was a nice night, Kai and I took some cans of beer out of the fridge and sat out on the porch, drinking in comfortable silence. That was until Kai started going on about how his mother had called earlier to remind him that it was his father's birthday the following week. That led onto a conversation about fathers that I cannot remember very well because all conversation was shadowed by what happened next.

Honestly, I wasn't drunk. I think I was likely just insane, because somewhere along the line, my head sent me the wrong signal and out of _nowhere_ I was leaning in and squashing my lips against his.

Now yes, I'll admit that it was a peculiar thing to just suddenly do, especially when not drunk or under the influence of drugs, but it might have been somehow easily laughed off, or forgotten as a moment of clear madness if Kai hadn't opened his mouth. I am completely blameless for that part. All I did was peck him, I didn't _ask_ for him to open his mouth and complicate things even more than they already were, but he did. And that was my first kiss- on the porch of my friend's house, with my other friend who happened to be another boy, with no prior warning.

It was weird, wet, kind of slimy and awkward. Our teeth banged together twice too, and I spent several long moments staring at his hair wondering if whether I should close my eyes or not, and once _that_ crisis was averted, I couldn't really remember what I was supposed to do with my tongue since my mind had drawn a blank when it came to recalling those old romance novels. At some point though, I stopped caring because I was struck by the fact that it actually felt really, really good. Kai had tasted pretty nice, and every time I breathed in through my nose I was reminded of the fact that Kai smelled pretty nice too.

I had blushed when we had rather suddenly stopped. I can't say that I had seen any fireworks, but I'd be lying if I said that it hadn't been even better than I'd been hoping for. Naturally though, the atmosphere had turned extremely awkward and I rose quickly to my feet and excused myself with a quick goodnight. It hadn't been a good night, of course. I spent most of it staring at the ceiling half astonished with my audacity, and half waiting for what had happened to finally click with Kai and send him storming up to give me a black eye for it. Morning found me unblemished though and from the moment Kai and I greeted one another, I realised that we were both going to play the '_I was so drunk last night that I don't remember anything that happened'_ game. We even forwent training that day to 'nurse our headaches' though thankfully, I had been glad of the excuse to spend some serious alone time.

Thankfully, in the following days, Kai and I didn't choose the cliché path and avoid each other like the plague. I think we both forgave whatever there was to forgive and got on with life as normal. If anything that moment of madness between us made us closer, because Kai and I were suddenly spending more time together than before, watching the sports channels together more, or simply hanging out in one of our rooms at least once a day. I mean we did all of that stuff before, but suddenly it was like this tiny little barrier had fallen down between us and we were finally completely comfortable with one another. It was nothing romantic. It was just two guys hanging out together, being good friends.

I think that's why, a couple of weeks after that kiss, I realised that I didn't regret it. I was right in thinking all along that I just wanted it to be with someone I was comfortable with, and when I thought about it in hindsight, the person I was most at ease with was Kai. It made sense really- in a homo sort of way.

Of course, this wouldn't be a very interesting story if that were all there was to it. And it wasn't, not by a long shot, because nearly a month after The Kiss, Kai threw the whole silent agreement thing into confusion- just when I thought that I was home free. You might expect that he asked '_Why did you kiss me?'_ or _'Are you gay or something, Rei?'_ but no, not Kai. This time, out on the porch once again, we didn't even pretend that we were drunk. He simply just looked at me and said; '_You remember that kiss?'_ I'd nodded slowly -he didn't really need to clarify which- '_Can we do it again? Because it was kind of nice.'_

And I said; '_Okay_.'

So we did. A few times, actually. I think somewhere along the line we came to the conclusion that we were friends who liked to kiss each other. Maybe it's because we were boys and driven by hormones, I mean I'm not going to deny that I wasn't sexually frustrated, but there was nothing really romantic there. We didn't decide that we were boyfriends, or even together. We didn't go on a date, we didn't start fawning over each other, or make plans for the future. Basically, we weren't in love with each other. We really were just very close friends who happened to like to kiss each other because, let's face it, Kai really isn't bad to look at and he was happily willing.

Does that make me some sort of kiss-slut?

I guess it kind of does. I guess if that sort of thing offends then I shouldn't really go into what happened next… ah what the Hell. I may as well. I've already made myself look like some sort of shallow idiot, why stop now?

It started a few months after The Kiss that had started it all off. I'm not going to romanticise it; we were both teenage boys and were sexually frustrated, and our initial kisses quickly spiralled into what I believe is called 'making out', which went further on to become longer and more passionate sessions. Anyway, so we were on his bed -because as I've previously stated, we liked to hang out in each other's rooms- and had been kissing for a good half an hour, when he suddenly pulled away and came out with; '_Rei, what do you think about, well, touching each other? Or is that a step too far for you?'_

Now I wasn't -and still am not- an idiot. We'd touched each other loads before, because when you're engaged in a long kiss with someone, you don't exactly leave your hands flopped at your sides, but when Kai said _touched_ it was pretty clear that he wasn't on about that sort of thing. He was on about another thing entirely. Outside of the sudden shock that had blossomed in my chest I couldn't help but notice that Kai had said 'step too far for _you_', implying that it wasn't for him. The overall statement really told me three things; that Kai had reacted typically to being nervous about something- by blurting it out of nowhere, that things were getting a little more serious than before, and that if Kai didn't think it a step too far, then why should I?

So I agreed, and to be fair, despite the fact that I was secretly feeling a bit sick with nervousness, it was probably the most awesome thing I'd ever experienced. There should have been repercussions, of course. Our friendship had turned sexual and that is always a big deal. And yet, nothing changed between us. There was still no romance, and no love beyond strong friendship. The problems mostly came from myself, berating myself over the fact that I had entered what could only be called 'friendship with benefits', which I found low and shallow. I mean, I was a nice guy and people liked me because I was honest and friendly, but there I was doing something rather _dis_honest. Did it stop me? No. It was too good and too easy. There was no relationship and so, no problems, no jealousy, or awkwardness. I didn't have to start acting like a housewife and neither did he, and it was wonderful and stress-free.

That was until, on my birthday, we slept together.

Why we did it, I don't know, but it was the most amazing experience of my life. He hadn't told me that he loved me and, as I woke up the next morning feeling the after affects I realised that I hadn't magically fallen in love with him overnight.

Now, don't think for a second that I regretted it. I felt a little bit ashamed of the fact that our first time hadn't really been born of the fairytale love that you get in books, but that feeling soon passed. I was happy that I'd at least been with someone that I trusted and when it comes to sex, outside of love, trust is the most important factor.

It wasn't until Takao found out, several months later, that Kai and I actually made a decision on our 'relationship'. When Takao inevitably asked us if we were together, we said yes. It was just easier at the end of the day, rather than even beginning to try and explain just what the Hell kind of relationship we _did_ have. It saved us the headache of asking that ourselves too.

As for me, any guilt that I had over misleading my friends did not last very long as, a little over a year after the kiss that had started off our whole affair, I came to realise something. It was as Kai was delivering a speech on our behalf at an awards ceremony. Takao had of course, protested against this, and Kai had agreed since he had never been comfortable with publicity, but we all knew that as team captain, as well as being the most eloquent, (a trained orator for his later role in Hiwatari Enterprises) he was the man for the job. So, without much enthusiasm, Kai had climbed the podium and began to express the importance of Beyblading and sports in general. I felt something then, as the camera flashes flickered upon him and he held the crowd's attention rapt; I was lucky. Kai was beloved by nearly every fan of Beyblading, the most eligible bachelor in the business world, and truly a good person. And yet, of all people he had chosen _me_ to screw around with. He had chosen _me_ to be close to as a best friend.

And that's when it occurred to me for the very first time- what exactly_ was_ love all about? It was always portrayed to be something so magical and miraculous in every form of media. It was breathless and shined in eyes, but… _was_ that truly how it was?

Kai was the person that I was most comfortable with. He was the person who I enjoyed spending time with the most. He was the person who I trusted more than any one else. He was the person I saw the most of, and yet never got bored of. I didn't want to sing songs to him, or spend the night dancing with him under the stars. I didn't want to fawn over him, and cling onto his hand as we walked. I didn't want to declare that I wanted to be with him forever and ever.

I just realised that there was no one else I could imagine sharing such a complicated and strange relationship with. There was no one else whom I _wanted_ to share it with. Maybe it meant that that _was_ what love was. Maybe, in saying that, I'd actually loved him from the start.

And the thought made me happy.

Kai gave me a confused smile when I grabbed his arm as soon as he sat down, but seemed to vaguely understand because he didn't seem to be bothered by it.

After that, I stopped questioning what it was that we had. I felt secure around Kai and most of all, I felt utterly content. It was even better after Kai unwittingly admitted that he too was thinking that the strange thing we had might be love- by inviting me to meet his parents, as his 'partner'..

That is a story for another day though, as is the time we moved in together and when he asked me to marry him. Well, become his civil partner, but 'marry' sounds less formal. At lot has happened in five years though. To think I was once that seventeen-year-old still waiting for his first kiss under a sea of stars with one whose eyes shined with love for only him makes me laugh, but then, that is part of what makes inexperienced youth so precious.

I don't want or need romance to be happy, or to tell me that what I feel is love. People define love in different ways, from single-minded dedication to hormonal imbalance, but I think the truth of the matter is that love is open to interpretation. If you _feel _like you're in love then it probably means that you _are_.

Which would make me very much in love, even if it is with an arrogant idiot who snores when he's had a drink and forgets the anniversary of our first kiss. I still wouldn't swap him for any Casanova in the world.

Who needs romance when you've got real life, anyway?

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Lol so I kind of wanted to look at a more realistic take on a relationship. The love is still there though!


End file.
